Homecoming

So I went home on Monday ... like I said, it was almost, ALMOST, better this way. It was the worst feeling in the world to leave my brand new babies at the hospital, but I was still so sick and I needed that time to heal. It hurt my heart, though. I cried and cried when we left the hospital. I called the hospital every three hours to check on them, sometimes more, especially after shift changes. And, of course, we were at the hospital every day to check on them and visit.

Okay, so on Monday ... got me home and all settled in with a jug of water and the pump. I'd pump every three hours for 15 - 20 minutes. It was excruciating. The worst kind of pain imaginable. But, I somehow soldiered on. I would bring the milk to the hospital for the girls. The nurses said that I was bringing enough for both babies, less one feeding for each. So they did get one feeding of formula a day. It made me so happy to know that I could do this for them. I was trying really, really, really hard to make it work. More on this in another post, but here is the picture of the milk bottles ready to go to the hospital:

So in between pumping, peeing off 11+ liters of fluid a day, trying to get some sleep, seeing the babies, calling the hospital to check on the babies ... I was absolutely exhausted. Allen was such a saint during this time. He was at my every beck and call. He is my hero. He took my blood pressure every three hours and titrated my meds as needed ... truly thankful that I'm married to a cardiologist who knows how to handle this. How does a "civilian" do it? He never left my side.

The babies were doing beautifully. About 48 hours after birth (I think I was still at the hospital at this point), the girls had to be under the bili lights for 24 hours. It was the sweetest sight to see them all comfy cozy with their little sunglasses on in the blue lights. Here are my favorite picures:

Emma:

Look at that frown!!!

This is a sweet picture of Emma and Daddy.

Olivia:

Daddy's hand. He loves his girls.

Olivia with her beloved paci.

Really, the girls just needed to coordinate their eating habits before they could come home. They'd suck so hard on the bottle that their heartrate would drop, which is called "bradying." And the girls had to have 7 consecutive days of no bradys before they could come home. So that was our goal. Other than that, they were sleeping, eating and pooping. The girls really didn't cry that much. They disliked having their diapers changed, but other than that, they were very content.

When we'd visit, we'd do kangaroo care which is skin to skin contact. This was difficult only because they were still connected to so many lines measuring heartrate, temp, pulse and oxygen levels. But, despite the challenge, it was my favorite time with them. They were SO tiny. It was unbelievable, but they were mine and they were in this world safe and sound. My prayers were answered.

The nurses were kind enough to let me attempt to breastfeed every day. This was quite the ordeal, though. More later, but the quick of it was: the nurses had to call the lactation consultant, unhook the baby, undress baby including diaper, weigh baby, put diaper back on, rehook baby to monitor in bfing room, attempt for no more than 20 mintues to bf, take diaper off, weigh baby and then redress baby, then hook baby up in crib. This was all so we could see how many ounces the babies took at each bfing session. More than the actual act of eating, this was more so that we could bond and each could learn the process of breastfeeding... it is quite the process. So since this was such an ordeal, some nurses were more amenable than others. I had one nurse told me that it wasn't worth the time. Um, WTF!? More on this topic later ... it deserves its own post, but here is a pic of each:

Look at my tired, swollen face ... clearly I was in heaven, but still so sick. I can't believe I attempted makeup. Little did I know that I would later throw this act to the wind once I brought the girls home.

Whenever we'd call to check on them or whenever we first got to the hospital, our first questions were as follows:

*Did she brady today?

*How many ml's is she taking?

*How many wet diapers? How many poopy?

*Anything I should be aware of?

*Is she happy?

*What did the pediatrician say?

The girls were moved to the step-down unit, called the Special Care Nursery (SCN) where they only have 7 beds. This is for babies who are needing attention, but not intensive care. It was a TINY room, but the nursing staff was amazing. The ratio was 1 nurse to every 2 kids ... so Em and Liv always got great attention. Once the girls moved to the SCN (around 5 days after birth), they were able to cobed. It was amazing and I truly believe this helped them in more ways than we can imagine. Pictures below:

Reunited for the first time (and it feels so good!):

After the first week of staying home, Allen had to go in to work for several mandatory meetings ... which was fine with me! I rode with him in the mornings to the hospital and parked myself next to the girls for the next 8 hours. I had friends come visit me in the hospital to meet the babies and it was just a great time, minus the fact of course that they were still in the hospital. By the end of the day, I was so exhausted that I could hardly function. My stamina was certianly not back to 100%, but I managed. Allen only had to wheel me around once the entire time, otherwise I opted to walk. I wanted my c-section to heal.

So that was that... the girls were doing just fine. I pined for them, I wanted them home so badly.

I remember we were 4 days in without any bradys and I just kept sayin' ... come on girls... three more days till you're ours all ours. I couldn't wait. Before we could take the girls home, we had to take a CPR course and watch a silly video on infant care. Actually, we didn't mind so much. We thought it was a great idea for parents to sit through this. Nobody says you have to be educated to have a child... which is scary. So it was a good idea for parents to watch this video. Also before we could take the girls home, they had to pass the carseat test... which means they have to sit in their carseats for the duration of the car ride home. So, in our instance, the girls had to sit in their carseats for 20 mintues without any brady episodes ... of course, they passed with flying colors. Here are the pictures:

One of my favorite memories during this time was when Allen and I were getting ready in the mornings to go to the hospital. We created a playlist of our favorite songs that reminded us of Emma and Olivia and we'd blare the music as we were getting ready.

Here is the short playlist:

Starlight by Muse

Radio Nowhere by Bruce Springsteen

Two Daughters and A Beautiful Wife by Drive-by Truckers (incidentally this is a sad song when you actually listen to the lyrics, but Allen liked the title)

Such Great Heights by Postal Service

The list goes on.........

Here are some of my favorite misc. pics of their hospital stay:

Anyway, this is becoming an incredibly long blog.

After 13 days of being in the hospital, the girls were finally cleared to come home. A glorious day indeed!!! We got to the hospital and put them in their homecoming outfits (strausburg, courtesy of my mother as part of our babyshower gift) and were loaded up with all sorts of goodies -- formula for just in case, diapers, pacis, bags, and all sorts of other stuff. Here is a picture of them with their nurse, Elise.

Allen, for whatever reason, decided to park in staff parking and refused to take the stroller in... so once the girls were all loaded up, we had to truck them down to the RT level (from the 4th floor), and walk that maze to the parking lot. It was quite the trek considering I was still not 100% and was loaded down with baby gear. We were rushing them home to keep them on their feeding schedule which was encroaching upon 2 p.m.

I remember loading them in the car for the first time ... they were ours all ours! Holy crap! We made the 20 minute trek home and I don't recall ever being so mad at other drivers. My entire world was in that car and they were wrecklessly driving by. Anyway, so we made it home, the house all set up. We crossed the threshold and took pictures the entire way:

Ahhhh, we could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Needless to say, we didn't get any sleep our first night. We were constantly up checking on the girls, holding them, hugging them... I still remember their fresh baby smell. Life was good.

The next day, we took them to the doctor's office for their next day office to make sure that all was well. Here is the pink ninja outfit (from Janie and Jack) picture we love so much:

We had our first night together as a family unit and my mom came the next week when Allen's vacation was up. Here are some pictures:

Then after two weeks, Allen's mom came to stay with us. Here are my favorite pictures: