PCA (aka Baby #3)

Well, just had our second ultrasound ... and it is official... I am pregnant. Again. WOW.

I am still in shock... I'm in disbelief... I'm so ... so... so HAPPY!! And SCARED!!! And, well, I just don't know how to take the news.

I'll start from the beginning.


**TMI warning**

I think the statistic is that breastfeeding is 94% effective at preventing pregnancy (until you get your period, of course). And, well, I just didn't really worry about it. I was prescribed birth control at my 6 week post-partum doctor's appointment, but decided against taking it because it was the mini-pill which meant you had to take it at the same time every day for it to be effective. I just didn't want to fool with it. Honestly, I figured that once I got my period (I'd heard it could take up to a year post-partum) we'd take a second look at the situation. Well, I got my period on May 9, 2009 ... the first one since 2007!!! Just so happens that I got pregnant that cycle.

I wasn't even done breastfeeding!

Allen and I told ourselves that once I started my period, I'd go see my doctor to determine if I needed to be on BC (I wasn't really sure if it was SAFE for me to get pregnant again considering everything I went through with the twins) and so it was important for us to be informed about the situation. It just so happened that my doctor had an opening (how fortuitous!) on May 11 and so I trucked on in with the kids and we met with my doctor. He assured us that it was safe is we wanted to start trying. We mulled it over. Were we really ready to start this all over again? No, we determined, we weren't. So we put it on the back burner. And when we went to Punta Cana, it was the LAST thing on my mind.

We started our vacation on May 26 and came home on May 31 ... just enough time for us to get away, but short enough so that we wouldn't miss the girls too terribly much (we did anyway). Looking back now at a calendar, it looks like I conceived somewhere between May 22 and June 1 ... which would have been cycle day 14 - 24. Looking back now, I'm like -- DUH -- this was perfect timing to create an anniversary baby!!!

About Punta Cana, we had SO much fun. We met all sorts of couples and hung out at the pool with them and went out to dinner, etc. Well, there is this one couple in particular - Cindy and Ray - who stands out above the rest because they introduced us to the national drink of Dominica... mamajuana.

Here is what Wikipedia has to say about mamajuana:
Mama Juana is a drink from the Dominican Republic that is concocted by allowing rum, red wine, and honey to soak in a bottle with tree bark and herbs[1]. The taste is quite similar to port wine and the color is a deep red. It is seen and advertised as an aphrodisiac, with many natives of the Dominican Republic claiming that the drink has similar effects to Viagra. Women have also claimed that Mama Juana enhances sexual desire.

Anyway, so Cindy and Ray kept passing us around shots of the stuff. We drank the stuff every day we were there. We totally thought it was lame and no way would it work. We drank it because it is a drink from DR. Whatever. I distinctly remember girls drinking the stuff because they wanted a honeymoon baby. They even changed the name of the drink to "mama-wanna" ... Um, it works. I wonder if they ended up pregnant like me? LOL.

So anyway, of course we didn't realize it then... and I didn't realize it for several weeks thereafter that I was pregnant.

How I found out:
I was at a wedding in Georgia with the girls and my mom, and the rest of my family. Allen had a conference in DC. On the wedding Saturday, I had a massive headache and so I decided to take two advil. That didn't work and so I thought, "well, maybe it is a caffeine headache." and so I proceeded to down an entire vat of diet coke. At the reception that night, I also drank wine. Awesome.

The next day, I woke up and --for whatever reason, I don't know -- I realized that I was a couple days late. My periods have always been on time. However, realizing that my first cycle since 2007 would probably be off, this could have been the reason I was "late." So it was a complete fluke that I even had a pregnancy test on me ... at a wedding in Georgia. I mean, what? Really? I had it because I usually tested every 6 weeks anyway ... because remember while breastfeeding you don't have periods and while it is 94% effective, it is no guarantee. So, per my doctor, I was always careful to take a test every 6 weeks. This always seemed ridiculous to me, but I did it nevertheless. I purchased dollar tree tests because I hated spending the money on something that I thought was impossible. So, anyway, I had a test. Random. I took it. It was positive. I was in shock.

I was in such disbelief of the faint positive line (come to find out the sensitivity on the dollar tree tests are very low... like 25 ml/iui whatever it is) that I woke up Sheryl and had her take a peek at it. She said, "I'm not going to be excited until it is definitely positive." I knew, however, that it was the real deal. OMG. I'm pregnant. My twins just turned 11 months old.

So then I had to put on a "I'm not excited face" and go to family breakfast at IHOP. I remember my cousin Sarah asking me if I wanted to have more kids... I didn't know what to say! I had the cheap test in my purse and I kept discreetly pulling it out to take a peek. Crazy.

So then it was time to make the 7 hour trek back home. Thanks to my mom for helping me out. Before we even got on the road, I made some lame excuse about needing to stop at CVS. I'm sure my mom thought I was crazy. So I went in, purchased a test with a higher sensitivity and it came out blazingly positive. Still, I was in disbelief.

I walked back out to the car and shoved it in my mom's face... asked her what she thought. She laughed and said "good luck!" Haha.

Yes, folks, that is 2 people. Count 'em - 2 - people that knew before my dear husband. I feel horrible about this, but please understand my utter shock in the situation.

I held the stick in my hand the entire ride back home. I was so giddy and undeniably happy.

The next Monday, I made an appointment with the doctor to get my beta drawn. I went in first thing. They called me around 3p.m. with the results, my beta was 64.

What went through my head: "Omg. This number is terribly low. I've been through a miscarriage before, I can't do this again. Please, God, make it better! Help!" I was a mess. I was so distraught. I needed my partner, I needed his strength. I needed his to tell me it would be okay.

How Allen found out: So, even though he was in DC, I called him. He didn't answer. I called again. and again. I texted and texted again. He finally texted me back and asked what the matter was. We went back and forth for what seemed like forever. He wrote, "just tell me." and so I did, "I am pregnant." He calls me an instant later and said, "you have my attention." Haha. So he found out via text. Isn't that terrible of me? Yes, I realize that this was incredibly selfish and I should have waited, but I needed his kind words and reassurance. He told me that we probably caught the pregnancy early. After all, this number was indicative of a pregnancy that is just 13 days post ovulation (and for those of you doing the math, that means that I conceived on May 27 ... the second day of our PC trip). So, we had to wait for our next beta on Wed.

So I had my beta on Wed, June 10 and it was 157. The beta was doubling beautifully. Remember that betas are supposed to double every 48 hours. Mine doubled in 1.54 days. So it appeared that we had a strong pregnancy! As it turns out, my cycle was off ... I ovulated late ... and then conceived late ... while I thought I was 3 days late with my period, I was actually in the very early days of pregnancy. Yippeee!

I went in for a third beta on June 15 and it was 24417. Awesome!

I love my doctors for being so good to me. I don't know many women that get to have so many betas (or ultrasounds for that matter!) I guess that is one of the perks (if you can call it that ... and don't flame me for saying this either) of having a miscarriage... you get extra attention the next time around. Anyway, so I had my progesterone drawn as well and it was on the low side of normal. The doctor gave me a choice of whether or not to go on a progesterone supplement. I opted to do it.

So I had my first ultrasound at 6 weeks, June 23. Again, one of the perks of having an early miscarriage is you get early ultrasounds the next time around. We didn't see a heartbeat... rather, we saw the fetal pole and yolk sac. The doctor saw the beginnings of a heartbeat, but the baby was so close to my uterus, it was impossible to get a good look. Naturally, I was distraught. We could NOT go through another miscarriage again.

The doctor brought us in a week later on June 30 and we saw and heard a beautiful heartbeat at 132 bpm. HAPPINESS!

(edited to add:) I went in several weeks later on July 14 and we got to see baby again and meet with MFM, Dr. Brown. More on this in a later post.

So, back to the emotional side of things. While I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to have more kids right away, I'm glad that I didn't have to consciously make the decision. I'm over the moon with happiness about this pregnancy. But, that doesn't mean I'm not scared out of my mind! Will I get sick again? Will my kids be left without a mother? How will Emma and Olivia take a third baby? Will they accept this new baby? How will I be to a mother of three? Can I handle it? How will this affect my relationship with Allen? Will we have time for each other? So many questions... but you know what? These are all overshadowed by the fact that I'm going to be a mommy again. Allen is going to be a father again. I love making a family with him and I can't imagine a better way or time to grow our family. I'm so blissfully happy I might explode.

Enough for now.