Birth Story Part 4

***TMI warning -- if you are squeamish or at all faint of the heart, stop reading. I'm going to get to every nitty gritty detail that you probably won't want to read. Remember that I am doing this for my girls ... and it just so happens to be a public forum. If something were to happen to me, they need to know this information for when they have kids of their own. I think I lost all modesty with this childbirth. Anyway, stop reading if you're going to be offended.***

So after Dr. Beiswenger came into my room and told me that we'd be inducing today (Thursday) ... I was in disbelief. I was a ball of nerves and really excited about what was to come -- little did I know what was about to come!!! I called Allen immediately after the doctor left and said, "Are you ready to have some babies?!?" And not two minutes later he was in my hospital room, huffing and puffing. He must have sprinted through the hospital to get to me. We hugged and cried and laughed. We were very excited to finally meet our babies.

It took about an hour for them to come get me to take me to L&D. I tried to get somewhat decent (as decent as you can get when you're about to give birth) and we took a few pictures (see the first two above). I was also visited by several NICU doctors which was incredibly nice of them... they reassured me that the success rate of 6 week premature babies was extremely good and they had few issues in regards to breathing, eating, etc. I was visited by the anesthesiologist and the lactation consultant.

So this was it... the moment we've been waiting for!

I was transferred to L&D. After I got settled in the birthing suite, they started magnesium, pitocin and inserted a foley bulb and catheter.

Magnesium

I was on high dose magnesium to prevent seizures due to high blood pressure. It SUCKED. I would not wish that drug on anyone. After a few hours and adequate time for it to concentrate in my system, it made me itch... to the point that I rubbed my face raw. It made my nose stuffy so much so that I had to breathe through my mouth which caused my lips to chap. I was SO THIRSTY (perhaps that was from the pre-eclampsia??), but I would down a cup of water a minute. I'm not kidding. I kept saying "water, water, water" in a really raspy voice. The medicine was so bad, it would make my body convulse and twitch. It was horrible. I know I sound like I'm complaining, but it was horrible. But, of course, if I had to do it again I would. All in all, it was pretty bad. Little did I know that I would be on this medicine for almost 60 hours (32 hours of labor plus 24 hours after birth) ... little did I know that because of this medicine, I wouldn't be allowed to see my brand new children for 24 hours. Little did I know that because of this medicine, I could not breastfeed my children for over 24 hours... Little did I know that because of this medicine, my children could not EAT for over 24 hours because it had to cycle out of THEIR system. Yes, my friends, this medicine is the devil ... but, it did save me from having a seizure.

Pitocin

The pictocin wasn't bad at all, except for the fact that it didn't work!!! My body was so ready to get rid of the placenta, but not ready to deliver the children. My body simply did not want to listen to this hormone. I can't remember the numbers, but I think it goes something like this: they start you out on level 6 to see how your body responds...and they typically don't go over level 20. I was at level 30. More on this later.

Foley Bulb

Ah, the fun of the foley bulb. This little device was to dilate my cervix to 3 cm. It was inserted into my cervix, the "stem" for a lack of a better word was taped to my leg. Periodically, the nurse would come in to inject more saline into the bulb so it would grow and subsequently dilate my cervix. The fun part of this was (note the sarcasm) when the nurse would yank on the bulb to draw it closer to the cervix. The nurse would eventually yank so hard that it would come out ... and hence, I would be 3 cm dilated. This was not fun, but actually not that painful. Just kinda uncomfortable. I think the most uncomfortable thing about this was the tape strapped to my leg.

Catheter

So because I had the foley bulb, I couldn't get out of bed ... and because I was drinking ungodly amounts of fluid, I needed a catheter. Strangely, this was ALMOST a relief because I was going pee so often. Sorry, TMI.

Okay, so I was dilated 3 cm, the pictocin was sorta doing its job at this point, I was comfortable ... it was a waiting game. Waiting for my body to take over and dilate the rest of the way so I could push out those babies. It is important to note that we were trying to have a vaginal birth because it helps push fluid out of the babies lungs ... especially since these babies were going to be 6 weeks premature. It was important to me to feel labor as well. My goal was to make it to 5 cm then have the epidural (in the back of my mind I was aware tht I was going to end up with a c-section). And, actually, labor was nothing like I had anticipated. I knew it was going to hurt, but honestly? This is going to be TMI, but I've had worse pains ... like when Allen and I had the travelers trots!! lol. The pain was purposeful and I could anticipate the end.

I finally dilated to 5 cm and the doctor came in for the epidural. Allen was able to hold my hands which was nice... one of the nice things about being married to a doctor. They wanted to send him out of the room, but let him stay. I remember being afraid, but I don't think it was necessarily painful. And I'm not one for a high tolerance for pain (or maybe I am?? who knows!) but I never used to brag about a high tolerance for pain. I cry with a bad headache. lol. But, this wasn't so bad. I jsut remember shooting pains in my left leg.... and then ahhhh. It is really bizarre to not feel your legs. They felt so heavy and lifeless.

After the epidural, the doctor decided to go ahead and break my water to try and speed things along. Which was really strange because I had already had the epidural and my legs wouldn't function. I had to put my legs in a "triangle" ... weird! Anyway, I didn' realize that when they break your water, it is an initial gush... but it doesn't stop!! Your body keeps producing fluid so it is just a constant stream of water. I also expected my sheets to be changed after they broke my water... no such luck. Ewwwwwww........

So there I was: 5 cm, epidural, water broken ... and we decided to call it a day. The doctors wanted me to rest. The family went home and Edgar and I *tried* to sleep.

The picture below is of me making a funny face... not really sure why. By looking at the monitor, maybe a contraction was coming up? But they don't look all that big. Who knows.

I was still all hooked up to the monitors and all the bells and whistles. The nurses would come in every so often to check my pictocin and magnesium drip and to check my cervix. Needless to say, we got no rest. Through the night, the doctors kept slowing inching up my levels of pitocin.

Finally, Friday arrived ... but we kept waiting and waiting. Mind you, I'm completely miserable at this point. The pre-eclampsia was full-blown at this point: my headaches were unbearable, my entire body was so swollen from all the fluid (incidentally, I gained 20 pounds of fluid during this time) and the pain in my hips was excruciating (but tolerable) from all the pressure from two babies heads weighing down on them. I was extremely thirsty and by this time, I was only allowed clear things. So I haven't eaten or really drank anything in well over 24 hours. Torture! I was pretty miserable from the pre-eclampsia.

Look at Allen's face... he was terrified. He knew exactly what was going on and the implications... like I've said before, he let me be blissfully unaware of the complications.

My contractions completely fizzled out and stopped ... I never dilated more than 6 cm.

Come 7 p.m., finally Dr. Grotegut (my hero!!!) came into my room and said that we have two options: 1) stop the pitocin and let it desaturate from my body for an hour and then try again, or 2) c-section.

We actually mulled it over. Y'all, I was so exhausted at this point. EXHAUSTED. Ultimately, we decided to opt for the c-section. I felt like if I were to push, my head would explode. My blood pressure was so high, I felt like a balloon. So they gave us an hour and then we were off to the OR.

This picture was taken right after we made the decision to go with the c-section... after 32 hours of labor, FINALLY we were going to have some babies!!!!!

I remember them wheeling me to the OR. It was a very surreal experience. I was in and out of consciousness at this point, but I remember being set up for surgery. I remember wondering how obese people lay on the operating table... it is tiny! They transferred me to the table and I remember feeling like I was going to roll off. Then comes the most embarrassing experience ... the shaving. You know, not to brag (TMI warning), but I like to think that I take care of my body and ladyscape on a regular basis... this becomes impossible when you are pregnant. So let's just say, I wasn't on my A game when I was on that table. Embarrassing. Anyway, they take care of it for you... but not in a proper way. Think a horizontal landing strip instead of a vertical. Anyway, so they do it in front of EVERYONE. And there are a million people in the OR. I remember making a crack about it. You have to laugh at yourself, right?

Then they turned up my epidural. I was numb up to my chest, couldn't even move my arms. I remember thinking that my body felt like it was floating on two different levels. I remember asking Allen if my legs were elevated. I was really loopy by this point. I remember my chest feeling really heavy and I was having a hard time breathing. I don't remember much after this point.

I remember Dr. Grotegut asking me if I could feel anything, I couldn't. I remember the pushing and the pulling. I remember Allen, poor thing, reminding me to breathe. I remember looking around at all of the people.

My poor husband. There he was, watching his wife stop breathing, his premature babies being born... he couldn't even enjoy the moment because he was so scared for my health. He kept watching my stats on the monitors. When I didn't take a breathe, he'd tap on my forehead and say, "hey, becca, I need you to take a breath" and then I would. I remember being very comfortable and at peace. But, my poor husband understood the critical situation that I was in. Could you imagine? Knowing and understanding the complications of a situation and having to watch your wife or husband go through that? I think it is one thing to see your spouse sick, but for a physician to be helpless in a situation must have been terrifying.

So at 9:18 p.m. Emma Ray Atchley was born into our world weighing 4 pounds, 9 ounces and 19 1/4 inches in length.

Olivia Grace Atchley was born into our world at 9:20 p.m. weighing in at 4 pounds, 5 ounces and 17 3/4 inches long.

We don't have any pictures, unfortunately, of them in the OR because of the situation with my health... but I do remember Dr. Grotegut raising them up over the divider. Since I was in and out of consciousness, I remember my sweet husband saying, "sweetie, don't you want to see your beautiful babies?" I opened my eyes both times and saw the most beautiful creatures in the world. They were absolutely perfect.

I am mad at myself for "sleeping" through their birth. I wanted to remember every tug and pull and push. I hate that I was so sick.

But...

I am thankful they were so healthy and able to breathe room air. Their apgar scores were perfect. Because they were born prematurely and because I was on magnesium, they had to go directly to the NICU for all the post-birth "stuff." Allen had the option to go with them, but decided to stay with me given my critical nature. Good thing, because this is where I took a turn for the worse.

My uterus would not contract back to size and so Dr. Grotegut had to take my uterus out of my body and massage it to stimulate contractions. My heart rate dropped ... and I stopped breathing altogether.

Allen, looking at the monitors, understanding what was happening -- yet helpless in that he couldn't assist -- felt desperate and scared. I don't think most folks (those without a medical degree anyway) would have understood the situation, the doctors were so calm about it. They gave me epinephrine to jump start my heart and help my breathing. I came back to life, but my struggles were far from over.

I can't stress enough how terrible this must have been for Allen. There he was, a new dad and was worried about if he was going to have to raise them alone, without a mother. How terrible.

Anyway, I don't know much about what happened to the girls after they left the OR. I know that they got a bath and had an IV started for fluids to push out the magnesium. But that is about it. To this day, I really don't know.

So my uterus finally went back to the appropriate post-partum size and I was stitched up and wheeled to the recovery room about 45 minutes after birth. It was a miracle! I felt like a whole new woman without those two placentas. It is amazing how much better I felt with them gone. I had to stay in recovery for an hour to let the epidural wear off, I had to wiggle my toes before I could go back to my room.

The picture below is of me in the recovery room (I'll spare you the pictures of my incsiion and bandage ... Dr. Grotegut did an amazing job, the scar is TINY and very low ... in those pictures I still had blood on my stomach, ewww!) And I want everyone to note that despite the fact that I almost died not 45 minutes prior to this picture, I still had a smile on my face ... afterall, I had two babies in the world!

Seeing that I was doing much better, Allen went to go check on the girls. I was dying to see pictures of them. It really broke my heart that I couldn't be there with them. The worst thing to happen to a mother is to not be with her brand new children... really, it was devastating. If you want to break a mother's heart, take her babies away and not let her see them. I cried and cried and cried. It was so heart-wrenching.

I remember calling my mom on the phone (allen gave me the phone before he left) and told my mommy to come play with me... so she happily skipped down the hall to my room. Poor Muggs and Jeffy and my Dad were still in my room pacing the floors. I wouldn't let any of the family go see the babies before I had the chance to... that is only fair, right? You can't see my babies until I do ... I'M THE MOTHER!!!!! (more on this in a later post)

My nurse, Sherry, love her -- showed me my placentas before they went to pathology. They were HUGE!!! I remember being really surprised by how big and heavy they were. I know it is gross, but she let me touch them. They were slippery and I was surprised by how firm they were. She showed me parts of the placenta that became calcified (I guess from the pre-e?).

I was not in any pain whatsoever, but I was on oxygen. When I said my troubles were far from over, that means that I still had to deal with the after effects of pre-e. The only cure for pre-e is getting rid of placentas, but because mine was so severe, I still had to get my blood pressure down and get rid of all of that fluid... which turned out to be a huge ordeal.

The rest in Birth Story Part 5.

xoxo

P.S. rereading this story... really does no justice to what we went through! Oh well... I'm tryin' here! <3